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Monday, July 9, 2007

Operation: Banana Ram

For a team building event at work, we were taken to African Lion Safari. The entire week, I had been pitching the idea of how awesome a monkey would be around the office. You know, helpful with thing such as photocopying and occasional shit throwing contests, it would be great. This idea was formulated in my head and we figured that our upcoming trip to African Lion Safari would be the mostly opportunistic chance.

A monkey, like Homer's helper monkey Mojo, would make life just a bit more fun. The idea of being able to teach it things, make it dance, eat things, make fun of other people with it and lets not forget battle it, especially if it steals your keys or banana. Like Mojo, you can dress him up with popular monkey fashion, whether it be a glittery vest and a fez. Hell, you can pimp him out him up like 50 cent. You could even teach it to speak English, answer your phone for you.

"Hey monkey, you wanna get that? yeah tell her I'm not here....for fuck sakes, I told you answer the phone, not throw it... Get down from there!"

The monkey would be great from a career standpoint as well, and then literally have an assistant and/or scapegoat. Something goes wrong blame the monkey and then take credit for the monkey's work (this depends on how well you've taught the monkey the aspects of your job). You can't really ever teach the monkey to be the model employee because eventually that ambitions son of a bitch will be promoted or even worse take your job.

"Ok hire the monkey, Fire Bamrah"...... No one wants to hear that.

Well all week, we all had decided that it would be fun to have a monkey around the office and devised a plan which involved, luring the unsuspecting monkey to our tour bus and then some how hiding it in my shirt an leaving the park. Sadly, this fool proof plan did not pan out since they locked the tour bus doors from the outside and did not allow the windows to be opened. Our dream specifically my dream of having a monkey bring me coffee will have to wait, oh well, at least theres the co-op kids.

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